WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
