My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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