just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
