she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
