I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
