i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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