I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
