my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
