Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
