I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize