You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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