Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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