I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
