hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
