i don't like sucking hair
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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