she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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