This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
