he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
