i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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