Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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