I think I died a long time ago.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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