The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
