it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
