At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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