I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
