Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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