I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
