ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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