in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
