Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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