I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
