I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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