There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
