i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
