Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
