she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
