Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
