Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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