puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
