My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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