Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
