He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
