i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
