Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
