If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
