We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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