butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
