Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
