She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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