How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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