Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
