i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
