i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
