Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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