So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
