chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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