then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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