I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
