youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
