I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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