yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm at about main and main street
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
