I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
